12:42am – I am awake. I had the luxury of sleeping about two hours before my eyes opened. The house is pitch black and silent while everyone else in the house gets those coveted hours of sleep. Insomnia is my newest accessory, and I wear it well.
My mother used to tell me that I would become a raging bitch when I did not get my full 8 hours of sleep. Well, she never really called me a bitch – it was more like a hornet with its stinger out and ready.
When I was a child she dreaded a sleepover invitation because she knew what would follow. The hours of giggling, telling stories, and preying on the poor soul who fell asleep first would always bring about hornet-like behavior. I suffered the same consequences as a young adult –
Having a grand time until the wee hours of the morning Pulling all nighters studying did not do much for my personality the following day.
I’ve learned to live with less than suitable sleep as it comes with the brain disease territory. I’m either kept awake by medicine, or jolted awake by pain. I have become much less bitchy with lack of sleep – I have learned to wear my insomnia with flair.
2:18am – Completely aware that sleep is elusive, I use my time wisely to catch up on random things on the Internet.
3:25am – My Internet findings turn to funny videos about cats. Earphones in and full restraint from loud bursts of laughter.
Thank you Buzzfeed for giving me something to appreciate in the wee hours of the morning.
4:10am – My mind begins to wander. My math skills are tested as I work to figure how much sleep I have gotten, and how much sleep I will get if I fall asleep…NOW! I factor in all the variables – when will everyone else rise, and when will breakfast be demanded.
My subconscious begins to rationalize things and wander:
Chocolate comes from cocoa, which is a tree – that makes it a plant! Chocolate is salad!!!
So-in-so made me really mad. Who does she think she is? I’d like to smack her in the face with a chair. Martinis and money don’t give her class. I won’t look good in prison stripes. She better be glad.
I think it is weird how some days I feel skinny and other days I feel like a busted can of biscuits.
4:46am – The last time I remember seeing on the bedside clock that taunts me. The cat obviously became annoyed with my tossing about and curled up on me to try to purr me to sleep. Hubby can sleep through a freight train and has yet to realize I am suffering under my veil of insomnia.
What really stinks is when this goes on for days. Before you start making suggestions of melatonin and Benadryl – I have done everything under the sun. Natural and prescription (Ambien did something too me that is another post altogether! I could have been one of those women on TV with crazy sleep aid stories). Insomnia is simply par for the course. So as long as I must have this as my latest trend – I intend to look stunning in it. Awake is the new black.