It’s Not Me – It’s You

We all reach a time in our lives where we just want to cut the crap. Whether it be through age or circumstance, this point eventually arrives. Sometimes cutting the crap refers to people. You know the person I’m talking about – the one whose actions and behavior become a game changer. It’s the toxic person break up.

I can pinpoint the day when I realized the game had changed in my relationship with a particular person. I found myself in shock that she was manipulative, self-serving and unapologetic. The behavior was glaring at me and I never recognized it before! Looking back I now realize I never wanted to see it. Though I do not believe there is an innate or even intentional cruelty behind the actions, I do believe they are rooted in issues far beyond my scope of understanding.

It’s taken me two years to finally accept that I cannot change her or the state of affairs. Her behavior continues and unfortunately the impact goes beyond me. I’ve been working really hard to come to grips with this in my life with the understanding that I am the one who needs to make a change. Letting go mentally has proven to be more helpful than waiting for a change to occur. However, letting go of something when you’ve been deeply and profoundly hurt is NOT easy.

Recently I decided to have the ‘It’s not me – it’s YOU’ talk with her in my head. I cannot completely rid my life of the person with the WTH? behavior, but I can rid myself of it having any negative effect on me. Negativity is such a destructive force and freeing myself of it only makes me stronger.

Who needs someone that drags you down instead of making your life better? By having the conversation with myself I have drawn my own line in the sand. I’ve tried to handle my problem with grace and tenderness, because there are situations where nobody comes out a winner.

I read a quote online made by Karen Hylen, Ph.D. :

“Women experience emotions on a very visceral level, taking in their surroundings and feeding off others energy. It’s more effective emotionally for a woman to have people in her life who exude positive energy, rather than those who can drain her of the vital life energy she needs to maintain her own quality of life.”

More than ever I need relationships that fuel me rather than drain me. True and soulful connections require a meaningful investment of time and energy. I have elected to constantly focus on the people who enhance my life (and I have MANY). My husband and children, my parents, and my ‘chosen family’ are the people who sustain me mentally, physically, and spiritually. This is all I need.


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Filed under Life, Sally

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