For years I have tried to teach my girls that life isn’t always fair and that you can’t always get what you want.
I have done a pretty good job of it because they both often shout out, ‘This isn’t Burger King – you can’t have it your way.’ I’ve had to restrain myself from throwing my own temper tantrum when the tables were turned today!
My precious daughter moves back to NC State today, and I am
in prison at home. This is when I get angry and upset about all that my illness has taken from me. When, because of my circumstances, I cannot do the things I want and need to do as a mother. When I put on my big girl panties I know this is the right and smart thing to do. I know the wise choice is to take care of myself. The toddler in me wants to throw herself down on the floor and cling to her feet screaming, ‘Don’t go without me!!!! I want to come too!’
I keep reminding myself It’s not like this is her first year and I am missing one of the most important days in the child/parent relationship. I was there as she moved into college for the first time – into that closet of a dorm room. This year she has a new big dorm room, and I just wanted to be there to help her decorate the way she wants with a nice sized room. I wanted to see her friends who have become special to me, and to thank them personally for supporting her. I’ve had a difficult time sucking it up and remembering the lesson of not always getting what you want.
I’m so proud of my daughter! She embarks on an important year as a chemical engineer. I am so stinking grateful for Facetime and all the wonderful things that keep us in touch. I take comfort in knowing I will see her room via technology until I can in person. It was a hard day as a parent today when the toddler inside me was screaming.